As I was reviewing my Life Plan recently, a particular action step that I created stood out to me. In the Action Plan section of my Friends category I wrote:
- Decrease attempts to communicate with those in which I am no longer close to Resources needed: Time to reflect and accept
Wow. I wrote this on May 7, 2011 and a little more than 30 days later, I had forgotten that this was something I knew I needed to do for myself. Reading the statement reminded me of why I am committing to no longer pursue stale relationships, particularly friendships.
(Purpose of me to my Friends:To be a source of joy, truth, forgiveness, and encouragement as needed)
Long story short, I have noticed unsettling dynamics with people I once considered myself close to. There has been no major issues, no tearful fights, no he-say she-say behind each others backs; our interactions are just decreasing and/or less meaningful. As I pointed out in my entry Minding My Own Business , I believe that my relationships with certain people has only lasted because I have gone out of my way to care about what is happening in their lives.
Although I was originally taking it personal that the concern was not reciprocal, on May 7th, as I was thinking about the vision I have for my friendships, I realized that it was not personal, it was just no longer worth investing and trying to figure out how to bring life back into stale relationships.
(Vision:I am available to partake in a variety of experiences with my friends. I am honest by always knowing that either I have been where they are, or that there is a possibility I will be where they are(during both successful and stressful times). I am able to distinguish between friends and associates and just people I seem to like or love. I am respectfully honest when it matters most. I accept that my friends are not me. I go on vacation with my friends atleast two times a year. I am able to enjoy the social life with my friends including fine dining and entertainment and leisure hat is not prohibited because of financial strain. I am able to assist my friends financially, and with their children if needed. I am able to connect my friends when they are in need of jobs or have something to share with the world.)
With all of the amazing, and equally committed people who I interact with regularly, I am doing myself, and them, an injustice by trying to re-kindle friendships that are no longer active.
As listed in my resources, I know that it will take time to let go. It will take time to make sure I know how to keep the door open for stale friends in their time of NEED, instead of just keeping it open to say it is open.
It will take time to rid myself of feelings and curiosity that make me wonder if I did something to cause the dying interactions, so that I can accept that we have gathered new life and energy that feeds our current needs.
It will take time to figure out what about that friend, made me whole at the time of our active engagements, and then decide if I still need THAT. If so, I will have to find a healthy way to fill the void.
It will take time to break the habit of concern that leads me to send communications that provide praise, encouragement, and care, that are not often met with similar responses.
One way I discovered that some of my relationships and friendships were stale is while sending communications. When I noticed myself “worrying” about whether the friend would respond, or if I would be greeted with apprehension, I knew that something had to change.
I had to change.
So, I am letting go of stale relationships in hopes of the following,
Outcomes: “Ashley was a well maintained bridge that you could always depend on to get you to the next phase of your life. She was solution oriented and did not judge, but instead provided honest dialogue to help see you through.”
- ASCW Life Plan (Part 3) (ashleyscwalls.com)
- Success Formula’s: What I Have Learned Part 2 (ashleyscwalls.com)
- “Later” or “No”- ASCW (life plan 4) (ashleyscwalls.com)