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STILL

31 Aug

Jaded vision of the past

My soul is in shock

No longer remembers the words,

The exact sentences

The exact look on your face when the words were said

What is left are the feelings that lingered from those moments

The habits that formed from those moments

The pain that remains has situated itself inside of me

Turning sour

Little girl sits in the dark

Crying

STILL crying

Ultimately dying

For some the pain leaves,

For me it morphed

Morphed into sweet words and helping hands

Open heart and the ability to understand ALL

But myself

Not realizing that I never really dealt with my own pain

I try to help others prevent from doing the same

Tears streamlined

Little girl embarking upon a journey of her own

Something is wrong

She’s aware but cannot articulate

STILL cannot make the pain go away

Writes about it.Talks about it.

The feelings overwhelm

Silently she suffers

Brightly she smiles

Secrets

Confusion

MUCH confusion

When will the truth taste the dawn?

She is a pawn

An experiment

Mommy won’t come to grips with reality

Can’t look in the mirror and seek the change it needs to be

Holding herself,

little girl cries

Little girl dies

Lost in lust and rhyme

Little girl was a bonafide dime

One could not envision the pain

Bloodline contaminated, blood is bleeding……STAINED

Spreading, 

Like HIV

Who in their right mind would think to love me?

That’s how it feels when you have to fight for it

When you have to bite for it

When you did not know you had rights for it

Not personal she tells her self

“They are the ones that really need the help”

Friends cannot rescue they can only listen

Increased pain

Drought of rain

NEVER will it

go      a    way

But now,

I have to face me

STILL that little girl in the mirror I see

WHY?

WHY won’t she go away?

WHY won’t the pain leave?

Why does it keep playing hide and go seek?

Times that I wanted to die,

Sitting in the empty bath tub,

I cried

I called HIS name

I sat still

I listened

I opened up my heart so that my life would not end

I called on a friend

God told me my purpose

To be a woman of the truth

To write, to see, to speak

All of this to make whole of me

Copyrighted by Ashley S.C. Walls 2007

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Posted by on August 31, 2011 in Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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